you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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