my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize