I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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