...so i touched it.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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