Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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