and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
