I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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