Umm I'm too high to move.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
