Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
