things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
