Farmville is her only friend.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My breasts were aching with rage.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
