Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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