so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize