so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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