Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
