We're like a lot better than the average bears
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
