The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
