Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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