Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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