anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
