I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
