guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Randomize