i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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