I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
