she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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