Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
All the doctor said was why
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
