Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
