Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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