we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
