i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Someone signed my nipple.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
