Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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