It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
