so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
