I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
