i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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