I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
