I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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