Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
