he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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