I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
