i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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