she was so not down for the gang bang
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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