so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
