They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
