When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
