I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
