My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize