do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
