So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The Olympian is in my bed
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
