Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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