I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
