morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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