well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize