the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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