Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
