i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
