I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
