Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
