the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
