Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
