Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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