Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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