By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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