Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
