she woke up with a sticky ear
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
