I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
