I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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